Biological joviality

I’ve the afternoon off work to complete the Tutor Marked Assessment for Book 5: Life. And I haven’t blogged in a while. I am also Sick with an unknown malaise of the throat. So, I give you: Biology Jokes!*

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division!


Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.


Confucius once said, “When you breathe, you inspire, and when you do not breathe, you expire.”


The bad news is that the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Amoebas is shrinking. The good news is that none of the amoebas has lost any of their members.


At NIH (National Institute of Health), there is a sign on the door of a microbiology lab that reads “STAPH ONLY!”


Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
A: Pull down its genes.


The teacher asks, “Jessica, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?”
Jessica blushes and says, “That’s disgusting, I won’t even answer that question.”

The teacher calls on Johnny: “What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?”
“That’s easy,” says Johnny. “It’s the pupil of the eye.”

“Very good, Johnny,” responds the teacher. “That’s correct.”

She then turns to Jessica and says, “First, you didn’t do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you’re in for a BIG disappointment.”


A man goes into a bar and asks: “Can I have a pint of energy please?”
The barman pulls the pint and says: “That’ll be 80p please!”


Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking.


Did you hear about the biologist who had twins? She baptized one and kept the other as a control.


One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books – the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, “Why are you reading both those books?”

“Well,” said the orang-utang, “I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”


It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.


I do apologise. I’ll get me coat!

*Shamelessly stolen from the Internet.

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6 responses to “Biological joviality

  1. Amoebas losing their members? I don’t get it!

    /Thick

  2. A member is another word for a body part, and amoebas are single-celled organisms.

    I’ve decided it’s not that funny :o(

  3. Nice … I had to say the “pint of energy” one out loud … the big question is have you done the TMA?

    • I’m getting there! It’s three-quarters done in rough – so I just need to type it up – and then I’ve the blue chicken question to do. That one isn’t worrying me to be honest. The monkey one is – I could have written thousands of words on that!

  4. Glad to see the ATP joke got in there – long been my favourite geeky joke!

    How many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb?
    1, no 2, no 4, no 8, no 16…

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