Exam results and existential crises

The good news

The day finally arrived yesterday: we received our results for S104: Exploring Science. There was much excitement and anticipation in the land, and verily did we leap into the course website with glee.

I’m delighted actually – I got a distinction! I knew I’d done well, as I have achieved consistently high marks throughout the course – but the end of module assessment was genuinely tricky, so I’m really pleased.

  • Overall examinable score (OES): 87%
  • Overall continuous assessment score (OCAS): 93%

The self-indulgent navel gazing

The results come at a good time, actually, because I’ve been dipping – rather self-indulgently – in and out of an existential crisis over the past couple of weeks. It struck me, rather more forcibly than I would have liked, that I’m 32 years old and I am not where I thought I would be.

The fact that 1990 is more than 20 years ago keeps assaulting me in an unnecessarily violent manner. I shouldn’t be old enough to remember 20 years ago, surely! I keep thinking of Britpop as a modern phenomenon.

My mortality and the foundations of my existence are at the forefront of my mind, which troubles me. Navel gazing is not becoming, nor – do I feel – is it particularly helpful if it lasts longer than about 15 minutes.

I should have been so much more than I feel that I am at the moment.

Having said that, I would not turn the clock back 15 years for anything; I’m wiser, happier and feel smarter and more attractive than I did when I was but a whippersnapper – I’m just not quite where I thought I was. Either that or the world moved sideways slightly when I wasn’t looking.

I’ve always felt slightly out of time. The 1920s, 1940s or 1950s would have suited me much better than these modern times (female emancipation and general equality notwithstanding). The music, the clothes and the manners of the times delight me. But perhaps we are living in even more exciting times as we prepare to send human beings to another planet…

Getting my Open University results has given me a bit of a kick back onto the right track. It’s only a level one course, but it was bloody hard work, and I really feel proud of myself. Roll on S216 – I’m ready for you.

And while I’m waiting for you, I’m diving headlong into books on science to try to get a head start. Dawkins’ “The Selfish Gene” is my current literary beau, and a splendid read it is too. I’ve been advised by a colleague to try a little Stephen Jay Gould as a different viewpoint to Dawkins, to see which evolutionary camp I fall into, so Amazon was duly visited, and Gould ordered. We’ll see where I end up.

Where I want to be is saving the world, one turtle at a time.

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2 responses to “Exam results and existential crises

  1. That’s brilliant news, a distinction, well done!

    I’ll be starting S104 at the end on January 2012 although I’ll be hard pushed to do that well I think 🙂

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