Tag Archives: cold

A weather-related ‘Did you know?’ post

Did you know that wintry weather is more likely in March than December in the UK? On average, snow falls on five days in December. In March, it falls on six days.

That makes no difference to my wish for this seemingly endless winter to begone, though. Honestly, it seems to have been going on forever. And I’m not being fooled: look at this picture. This is my back garden.

Don't be fooled. It may look lovely and sunny and warm in my back garden, but it's brass monkeys out there.

Doesn’t it look lovely and Spring-like?

I just went outside to put the washing out, and my fingers froze solid. I’m typing this with my (freaky monkey) toes.

So, anyway. My point was this: it’s not particularly unusual weather for March. It’s just really annoying.

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Mr Motivator

Does anyone remember him? A rather frighteningly cheerful fellow in big glasses and lycra shorts that were FAR too tight. (He didn’t have a lunchbox like Linford, though.) He did, however, look like he could get anyone out of bed early in the morning – if for no other reason than the thought of him in your bedroom for more than one nanosecond is terrifying.

Mr Motivator. Motivating via terror.

The wide-leg stance, the bum bag, the curiously hair-free legs, the cheery-faced punch, the 80s shoes and socks – they all scream “I’m going to motivate the ass off you, muthafucka” because although he may look cheery, with his cheeky grin and his stripes – if you look a little closer you’ll see flecks of spit and an unhinged glint in his eye.*

The reason Mr Motivator is currently residing in my head is this: I wanted to get to work for 8am today (and, in fact, every day) so that I can get an hour’s studying done before I start. My plan was scuppered this morning by two things:

  1. I love my bed. It’s made of walnut, it’s huge, it’s got lovely gorgeous bed linen from Cologne and Cotton, and it’s got my husband in it. Naked. Plus, our house is made of gaps, so the second you put a hand out of the covers you get frostbite (fact).
  2. The world is very, very cold this morning. Minus 4 at Casa Fraser (yes, yes, I know that compared to actual cold places this is not that cold, but the British like hyperbole, okay?). I had to scrape ice off the car, which normally I don’t mind, but this was really sticky ice and took bloody ages to remove.

However, tomorrow will be a different story. I will be here by 8am, and will get an hour’s studying done. Teign Valley – a virtual field trip – will be undertaken, and good progress will be made.

The extreme coldness of this morning also gave me another idea. The world is extraordinarily beautiful today; I love it when it’s this cold. The air is clear, the sun turns the sky pink and orange, and causes the frost to sparkle like diamonds. I saw a perfect photograph, but had no means to capture it. So from now on, my camera will travel everywhere with me.

Tomorrow morning, at around 7.45, I will be found with a camera and tripod on the Fosse Way overlooking the M40 southbound taking what I hope will be a beautiful photograph.

Be motivated, people. Go out and look at the world. I hope that you can manage it without a disturbing image in your head…

*This is fiction, and is in no way intended to get me sued for libel. I’m sure Mr Motivator is a big cuddle, really.